Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
