This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
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Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
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When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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