so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
