no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
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Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
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I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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