Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize