While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
