i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
