If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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