Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
