the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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