i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
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Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
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dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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