you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
