Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
What changed your mind?
Being sober
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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