low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
