then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
