I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
