I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
