hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
