I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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