You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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