Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
