i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
