just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
