We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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