i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
