oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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