just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
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P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
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Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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