your room smells of hookers.
And success
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
