I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize