you traded sex for a burrito?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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