What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
