did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
