she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
