can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
