I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
