Nicole vs. Life
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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