Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
