He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
