I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
