I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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