I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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