I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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