can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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