I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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