You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
