I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
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