I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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