I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
