I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
