I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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