lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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