i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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