Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
