I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
