Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
