i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
