I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
