worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
