Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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