I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
