I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
