New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?