she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.