Texts From Last Night

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  (626): View more from California

  i need an iv and a liver transplant

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  (626): i need an iv and a liver transplant http://tfl.nu/lbut
  Replies (4) Good night (2539) Bad night (912)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true

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  (317): Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true http://tfl.nu/12zv
  Replies (34) Good night (5758) Bad night (931)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special

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  (586): it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special http://tfl.nu/7k86
  Replies (79) Good night (1212) Bad night (5826)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere

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  (201): As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere http://tfl.nu/2ys4
  Replies (58) Good night (14888) Bad night (1428)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.

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  (610): The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices. http://tfl.nu/tdjd
  Replies (22) Good night (1469) Bad night (7470)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time

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  (817): You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time http://tfl.nu/ixfn
  Replies (44) Good night (7426) Bad night (4101)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer

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  (850): You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer http://tfl.nu/uk5v
  Replies (2) Good night (3075) Bad night (732)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea

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  (843): I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea http://tfl.nu/qtt5
  Replies (4) Good night (1517) Bad night (539)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.

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  (303): Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night. http://tfl.nu/q0n9
  Replies (7) Good night (1190) Bad night (536)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom

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  (402): Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom http://tfl.nu/4fn6
  Replies (9) Good night (591) Bad night (2462)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?

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  (519): Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break? http://tfl.nu/r3b8
  Replies (15) Good night (1357) Bad night (404)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.

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  (479): She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday. http://tfl.nu/do6j
  Replies (1) Good night (915) Bad night (587)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?

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  (630): I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up? http://tfl.nu/45h3
  Replies (1) Good night (308) Bad night (697)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!

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  (908): When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?! http://tfl.nu/arig
  Replies (3) Good night (1420) Bad night (336)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada

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  (515): It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada http://tfl.nu/dfi5
  Replies (1) Good night (439) Bad night (230)

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