Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
accomplished twins. life is a go
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
