Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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