ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
