so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
