Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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