The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
