My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
As shirtless as possible
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
