I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
