non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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