You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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